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#Keep it cruel costume how to#
If you find yourself triggered by children events, making small adjustments to how to respond and plan for these events can be quite beneficial. Keep in mind: Family-friendly parties and gatherings can be difficult for some, particularly if struggling with family building or infertility. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be included in the future, but just means not right now. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to bow out for now. I don’t share this to ask for your sympathy, but I share this because I care about you, and I want you to know that I think if I saw your amazing kiddos, in perfectly fun costumes, having all the fun they should, it may make me super sad and ruin the spirit of your night.
I have been trying for quite some time and recently had a miscarriage. You see, I very much want to have a child. But I think that coming to your party might be a little hard for me right now. You know how important you are to me, so I hope that you will hear me out as this is quite hard for me to share. I‘ve been wanting to talk to you about something that I am working through. The Honest Trust Tactic: But, if the event is too special to miss or too important to the host to not attend, maybe their invite gives you the perfect opportunity to share your infertility struggle with them. Or offer to bring the host their favorite post-party coffee the morning after. You can hit the road right before the first guest arrives. The Before or After Tactic: For another option, try limiting your exposure while still showing your support by showing up early to help decorate. “Hey, yes, actually I have a schedule conflict, but I can’t wait to connect after.” And maybe taking care of your mental health is a priority and therefore important enough to schedule time for self-care that just happens to be at the same time as this event. The I’m Too Busy Tactic: If skirting past the invite while not exactly proving your excuse doesn’t come naturally, you also have the option of, ‘being too busy.’ Because maybe you are. But be sure to pass out some extra candy for me!” The You’re So Kind Tactic: “Oh, doesn’t that sound fun! You are so kind to include me. Instead, try using one of the following approaches: And the best part is that you don’t have to give a reason. You have the power and right to politely decline. If you are invited to an event where children may be dressed in costumes to celebrate, consider whether going is right for you. Also, know that there are steps you can take to protect your heart and your mind. If the previous lands with you, know that feeling these emotions can be natural. Whether we, those grieving, acknowledge this about ourselves or not, the emotions are very real. For individuals grieving their inability to conceive, pregnancy loss, or the loss of a child, all this well-intentioned fun can trigger resentful, angry, and painful emotions.
Candy, costumes, parties, and decorations litter big box stores, grocery stores, front porches and lawns, social media, and even email inboxes. But, Halloween and other fall festivals, can be huge emotional triggers for many also. Within the infertility community, we often talk about preparing for family gatherings and holidays while struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss.
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